Friday, January 27, 2017

Why People Hate Christian Guzman

Christian Guzman is the CEO of clothing brand Alphalete, the owner of Alphalete gym, a YouTube fitness guy, and a physique competitorHe started out as a small time YouTube online fitness coach and just skyrocketed to stardom with Alphalete. He also bought his pops a car one time but took 32 years to go fishing with him

Christian is materialistic. He's like 23 years old and every other month it seems like he's buying a new sports car. He lives in a giant house, wears expensive clothes, and dates hotties. To many, this is shallow. Apparently, he should give it all up to go live in a monastery. The haters want him to run Alphalete out of a homeless shelter. Live yo life ma G.

Christian broke up with popular YouTube fitness personality Nikki Blackketter. HER fans say he broke up with her unjustifiably for hooking up with some guy while the two were on a break. HIS fans say that he broke up with her because she lied to him about said hookup and can no longer be trusted. Either way, he pissed off a whole lot of Nikki's fans (tween girls and horny guys) who now attack him for whatever they can get they grubby little hands on.

Christian is an annoying philosophical bodybuilder. Lifting weights doesn't make you Ghandi's disciple.  And yet so many bodybuilders have to take lifting and turn it into this higher art that only those pure of heart and mind can achieve. Christian is one of those people who has to extrapolate deeper meanings from bodybuilding and turn it into motivational bullshit. It's annoying, it's cliche, and it comes off as extremely insincere.

Christian is vanilla. Heck yeah, man! He barely curses, seems to have no strong opinions, and isn't very funny. He seems like an okay dude, but just a bit bland. And he has to be -- that's how you get the most subscribers. Normative celebrities have the greatest outreach.

Christian is natty. Should people hate him for this? No. But while he's big for a natty and is a master of angles, he looks DYEL in some of his pictures. People think his physique isn't that impressive and that he's overrated.

Honestly, he seems like a good guy. Like any public celebrity, he has his faults, but his contributions to this world are a net positive. THOSE GLUTE GAINS!

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Why Bodybuilders Shouldn't Take That Second Rest Day

A second rest day is the phenomenon in which some bodybuilders take off two days a week from the gym. It's often Saturday and Sunday. A rest day gives the body a chance to recover and keeps the nervous system from going full scrambled eggs mode, but two in a row is often overkill.

You are not overtraining. Unless you are working out on 3 hours of sleep everyday, eating a grape for dinner, and doing Rich Piana's 8 hour arm workout, you are not overtraining. Unless you a CrossFitting and doing 300 squats followed by 300 deadlifts, you are not overtraining. Unless you are flailing your arms for 1000 bastardized pull ups, you are not overtraining. You don't need that much rest, dude.

You get off rhythm. Motivation may get you into the gym for that first week or month, because to form a habit you must commit to several weeks of repetition. But after that, regimen is what gets you in. You just go because you always go. If you take too much time off, it's much harder to get back on the gainz train. Why not ride the gainz train with no breaks??

You will never achieve your goals. Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh. But it stands to make sense that if keep resting instead of lifting, it will take much longer to reach your aesthetic goals. If you take an extra day to rest, not only is your body done recovering and that 'rest' time is actually calories turning to fat, but that's a lost opportunity to smash your muscles. If you just get enough sleep, you should be fine with one rest day.

There is no scientific reason for bodybuilders on muscle-split workout programs to take more than one rest day. The fun REALLY begins if you hop on PED's and you never have to take a rest day, just an endless cycle of Rich Piana workouts -- KILL THAT SHIT.

Friday, January 20, 2017

Why People Hate Bradley Martyn

Bradley Martyn is a former  physique competitor,  current fitness YouTuber, and owner of the fitness company BMfit. He is known amongst his fans for being "the realest" in the fitness industry. He is incredibly athletic, and is known for his viral lifting stunts.

Bradley is hypocritical about online coaches. Bradley almost singlehandedly took down Devin Physique. He made a video about Devin and his company Shredz, and that video snowballed into Devin's downfall. One of his most critical points was that Devin didn't personalize his workout programs as an "online coach" and instead relied on cookie cutter routines. BUT as big as Bradley is, I think there is absolutely NO fucking way he does all of his clients' routines himself. Cassidy from Train to Look Good Naked confirmed just as much.

Bradley rips off other designers for his merchandise. Parodies are OKAY. The "If You're Reading This It's Arm Day" is totally fine even though it plays off of Drake's mixtape name. So is the Kanye-inspired "I Feel Like Arnold" shirt. Parody law, bitches. But his pizza hat is NOT okay because there is no parody involved and it is literally just an imitation of Chris Brown's merchandise design. That is plain stealing. Not cool, Brad, not cool.

Bradley is apparently a bad friend in real life. Cassidy from Train to Look Good Naked detailed his attempt to do a video with Bradley. TLDR; Bradley promised to do a video with Cassidy - Cassidy spent over $1k in airfare and food to get out to California to see Bradley - Bradley didn't even give him a blanket or pillow to sleep on - Bradley ditched Cassidy for over 8 hours one day - Bradley decided to not do a video with Cassidy. Those are all asshole moves.

Bradley is fake. Cassidy says that Bradley is not friends with his cameraman in real life and only talks to him when they need to get business done. Calum von Moger also wrote up a a top YouTube comment about how he told Bradley some feelings he was having about his girlfriend, Bradley told that girl about the conversation, and it contributed to the end of her and Calum's relationship. #Fake. Bradley also rants about the greediness of the fitness industry all the time, but charges something like 35k for an Instagram shoutout or a booth visit. Crazy shit.

Bradley hides how he looks. This ties into his fakeness - he wears a hat 24/7 to hide a weak hairline. It just makes him an easy target and I get second-hand embarrassment from his self-esteem issues. It's not even THAT bad. He could easily shave it short and still look as good as ever. But he doesn't, so he earns the nickname BALDY MARTYN.

Bradley is not the savior of the fitness industry, he IS the fitness industry. The idea that so many people don't see it and wait in 6 hour long lines to meet him just boggles the mind.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Why People Hate Brian Turner (HumerusFitness)

Brian Turner is a physique competitor, fitness YouTuber, and owner of the Beyond The Weak clothing brand. He says he is a "9 year natural vegan bodybuilder", but he's only been vegan for a year or two, and made 99% of his gains while not vegan. Still impressive for a natty.

Brian's fake positivity is smothering. As Pewdiepie once discussed, YouTube is under the Tyranny of Positivity. Youtube vloggers act overly-positive all the time and it just REEKS of insecurity and pure fakeness. You are not happy all the time, nobody is. Stop pretending that your life is so dandy so that your core audience of middle-aged soccer moms pops another pill because they think that they have to be like you. Just be a normal dude for once, stop censoring yourself.

Brian exploits his past acne for views. I understand that people who have overcome a particular adversity want to help others who may be going through that adversity. But he's run out of stories to tell. That "Accutane Adventures" series wasn't a bad idea, but now it's been years and he's still running that train. Maybe it's because he seems so disingenuous, but now his acne videos just seem like tailored clickbait.

Brian is (allegedly) a bitch in real life. Simon and Garrett of Massthetics have roasted him in depth about being annoying and fake. BEYOND THE WEAK, BRO. TLDR; They called Brian out on his fakeness, so Brian spanked them. No, really, he did. That's some weird shit, bro (Ripped Bri, anyone?). At a separate expo, a Massthetics fan got bullied by Brian, who apparently waited outside an airport bathroom and kept asking them, "Do you feel big?" for wearing Massthetics-branded clothes. This story is just weird enough for me to believe it. The "Do you feel big?" is totally something Brian would say. I only say "allegedly" because it's one side of a story... but it sounds plausible.

Brian sells poor quality clothes for a premium. He has to make a buck somehow, I get that. I'm not knocking his hustle. But his clothes look unbelievably thin and flimsy for the price he's asking. Not only that, but they're the kinds of colors that will get you sweat stains supa quick unless you get your armpits surgically removed. Take a hint from gumah and actually put a little bit of effort into making your clothes wearable.

Brian's brand "Beyond the Weak" is beyond corny and cringey. Most fitness YouTuber clothing brands are cringey, but this sets a new low. And when you got brand names like Alphalete and Ever Forward, that's saying something. "Beyond the Weak" is just nauseating, and the idea that a normal bro would wear a shirt that says that dumb slogan is Beyond the Imaginable.

Look, if Brian makes a shirt that says "Do you feel big?" , I'd buy something from him in a heartbeat. Even if he printed it on that tissue paper that he calls a shirt.

Friday, January 13, 2017

Why People Hate Steve Cook

Steve Cook is a former IFBB physique competitor, sponsored GymShark and Bodybuilding.com 'athlete', and popular fitness YouTuber. He is known for being very, very good looking, basically. 

Steve jumped in on the CrossFit circlejerk, sold it like the gospel, and then quietly hopped off. There is nothing bodybuilders hate more than CrossFit. So, understandably, Steve faced a lot of backlash for posting CrossFit workouts. Not only did he hop on that dick like his life depended on it, but he would say dumb shit like it makes you look better than bodybuilding would. On average, this is wrong. Sure, maybe the most elite CrossFit person will look better than Jason Genova, but most of them do not look great. Then, randomly, he stopped. At least if he stuck with that shit I could respect his hustle. Instead, he just rode a trend until he got bored.

Steve runs an annoying YouTube vlog channel. A few vloggers are good, most are not. Steve, unfortunately, is not. He does that whole over-positive persona that a lot of Youtubers do. You know, like pretending everything in their life is dope (probably is) and that they are happy all the fucking time (probably not). It comes off as extremely fake and makes Steve seem like a swole FouseyTube. Steve, I don't care what the fuck you had for breakfast unless you topped it off with Tren flakes.

Steve is in the middle of a woe-is-me midlife crisis. He's floundering around, starting with some crazy ideas, but never does anything with them. He wanted to start a gym. Then another clothing line. Then become a football player. Then become an actor in LA. Then he started dating a 22 year old (a year older than the half-your-age-plus-seven rule... but still weird). It's disappointing to watch a successful man that has it all go on an easily-stoppable downward spiral.

Steve is a sore loser.  He lost his most recent physique competition (2014), and instead of taking it in stride, putting his nose to the stone, and trying harder for next year, he swore off the sport and hasn't competed since. What. A. Bitch. Nothing spells "Champion" like "I didn't win a completely subjective contest so I'll give up my life's work."

Steve lies about his drug use and promotes broscience. I actually don't blame him for saying he's natty when he clearly isn't, because he has to get those fat supplement checks. Hate the player, not the game, something like that. But he doesn't have to promote broscience like training "the bottom third of his biceps" (FYI: You can't train a third of your biceps alone). He acts like his bullshit broscience made him huge when it was really just a nice PED stack.

Sorry r/bb, but nothing about Steve Cook makes him different than any other motivational YouTube bodybuilder. He's vanilla ice cream and I'm not that boring.

Monday, January 9, 2017

Which Workout Routine You Should Follow

A workout routine is a regimen one follows to exercise their body. They vary on the exercises used, the number of sets implemented, the number of reps used for each set, the number of workout days, the number of rest days, etc. Every person can and should tailor their workout routine to their individual goals and physical limitations. 

If you can/want to workout 6 days a week, prefer bodybuilding over powerlifting, and want maximum results, you should do PPL. Also known as a pull-push-legs routine. On your pull day, you workout the muscles that engage the most in pulling motions: back and biceps. On your push day, you workout the muscles that engage the most in pushing motions: chest and triceps. On your leg day, you workout your legs, specifically your quads, hammies, and calves (most people also throw in some ab work for the layyyyyydies). This cycle is 3 days, so most people repeat the cycle twice, for a total of 6 days. On the seventh day, you take your rest day, just like God :) If you don't want to take that rest day, and your body seems fit and able, feel free to repeat the cycle once or twice more. When I did this, I would feel pretty beat by the fourth cycle, and those workouts would be weaker and I'd have a worse performance. If you have a busy schedule, it may be easier to just program two 3 day cycles and rest on the same day every week. Linked here is a popular program made by bodybuilding.com user coolcicada. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY AND ADJUST ACCORDINGLY.  I don't always like to admit it, but I eventually phased out all barbell work in favor of dumbbell work. Barbell bench was fucking up my wrists and shoulders, so now I dumbbell bench. I wasn't getting much hypertrophy on barbell deadlifts, so I switched to dumbbell stiff-legged deadlifts. Barbell squats were great for my quads, but they were fucking up my knees, so I opted for the horizontal leg press. My physique has only improved through all these adjustments, despite all the claims that you NEED these movements to look good.

If you are a complete noob, only can/want to workout 3 days a week, don't care about looking good, and only want to get stronger, you should do Starting Strength.  It has you working out three days a week, typically every other day (MWF), with each day being a full-body workout. These three days each have you doing several compound movements (squat, bench OR overhead press, deadlift) in sets of 5. This program gets thrown around a lot to beginners who have never stepped inside a gym before. It teaches you form from the very beginning by starting you off with an empty barbell. BUT it focuses on strength work, so you get stronger every week, but you have little to show for it because there's so little hypertrophy work. Linked here is the classic one that even has an app for it.

If you can/want to workout 4 days a week, prefer to split your efforts between bodybuilding and powerlifting, you should do PHUL.  It stands for Power-Hypertrophy-Upper-Lower. You spend day 1 on powerlifting movements for your upper body, day 2 on bodybuilding movements for your upper body, day 3 as a rest day, day 4 on powerlifting movements for your lower body, day 5 on bodybuilding movements for your lower body, and days 6 and 7 are rest days. So, yeah, 4 days on, 3 days off. It's a nice mixture between the tireless PPL and the boring as shit SS. It uses lower reps for strength, and higher reps for hypertrophy. It was started by Brandon Campbell, and an online version of the program is linked here.

If you are no longer a beginner, have plateued on Starting Strength, and still want to get stronger on the main compound lifts, give 5/3/1 a try. You workout 3 - 4 days a week, with each workout focusing on one of the three lifts. As opposed to SS where you do multiple different compounds in one session, in 5/3/1, each day has its own special lift. Example: one day will have just deadlifts, ham raises, and glute kicks. No squats or bench on that day.  The accessory movements tacked on at the end help build the muscles needed for the main lift of the day. This plan gets its name from its patterned use during compounds: you do 5 reps of a lower weight, 3 reps of a weight that's a bit higher, and 1 rep of your max (typical). Check out this T-Nation article that gives a pretty good example 5/3/1 workout plan.

If you are natty and want to make the minimum gains possible, do a Bro Split. This is where you only work out one muscle group per day, every day of the week. It is extremely inefficient because natty muscles stop growing less than 48 hours after working out. But on a Bro Split, you can't workout the same muscles 48 hours later, you have to wait an entire week. This type of training only makes sense when you're on PEDs, which lengthen the muscle growth timeline up to a week after working out. As in, you do biceps on Monday, and your biceps continue to "grow" by repairing themselves throughout the rest of the week. Natty bros, beware of this routine.

TLDR: Stick to PPL unless you are a powerlifter.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Why You Won't Get Jacked From Bodyweight Exercises

Bodyweight fitness is the training of one's body without the help of scary spooky weights. It is primarily for people who claim they want to get in shape but never will. There are exceptions who attain great physiques with pushups, pull-ups, and 1g TREN daily.

You can't progressively overload your muscles (easily). When it comes to weight resistance, specifically barbell work, you can just add 2.5ibs mini-plates to the ends and BAM you're stronger than you were the last time you lifted it. When you're doing things like pull-ups or pushups, doing sets of 50 is more cardio than weight lifting.  And like everybody knows, cardio kills gainz

There is less motivation when you are not working out in a gym. Hate me, r/homegym, I don't give a fuck. Will you really go to the park everyday to do pull-ups and flag stands? In front of toddlers and their dads? Really, you'll do it? I doubt it. When you're at a gym, you're motivated by the other people there. You feel camaraderie with the other overweight people at the gym sweating along side you. You're fueled by jealousy at the sight of dudes who are jacked out of their minds. You can only get jacked with that kind of motivation and discipline that's everywhere in a gym. 

Your body will become adjusted to the exercises you use and will not grow. There are just not THAT many effective bodyweight exercises that you can do for a long period of time. Are you really just going to do pull-ups, pushups, and sit-ups for the rest of your life and expect to look like Arnie? In most commercial gyms, there are countless machines that you can incorporate into your workout. If you wanted, you could probably do a different routine everyday of your life. Variety is the spice of getting pumps, or something like that.

You can burn calories doing bodyweight stuff, but you won't grow traps. And isn't that the reason we slave away in a gym 6 days a week?

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

When You Should Bulk And When You Should Cut

Bulking is eating lots of food so that you gain weight, and cutting is eating much less food so that you lose weight. The idea is that when bulking and lifting, the extra calories will be used to build muscle mass (and a little fat feelsbadman.jpg), and when cutting and lifting, your body will lose fat (and a little muscle feelsbadman.jpg). You can gain muscle mass quicker than if you were to eat at maintenance calories and lift, but it is more tedious and you have to change clothes sizes rapidly. 

If you're > 20% bodyfat, you should cut. Let's face it. The permabulking days are over. You can't eat 4 pizzas on Sunday, deadlift on Monday, and call it even. If you're over 20%, the abs are long gone, the gut is setting in, and any muscle you have is being overtaken by fat fat FAT. Do yourself and the world a favor and diet down to 11%.

If you're < 13% bodyfat, you should bulk. Chances are you are not a Steve Cook 12%. You are most likely a Michael Cera 12% (both are rich, I wouldn't complain).  You have little definition, and even though you may have visible abs, visible abs on a skinny dude are not impressive. Well, maybe to girls, but everyone knows we straight men work out for the guys. Start eating peanut butter and go lift heavy.

If you're 13% - 20% bodyfat and happy with how you look, you should maintain. Not everyone needs to be a freak. Most recreational bodybuilders fall within these numbers. And even if you're not swole, it's ok if that's ok with you. Some people just want to look good in a suit, and if you're a lean 13% - 20%, you can do just that. Sure, bulk and cut cycles are the quickest way to get shredded and put on some MEAT, but you don't need lean muscle to be a success. Value your friends, work hard at your job, and be the best you that you can be. Kum bah yah.

Personally, I started at 140ibs/11% bodyfat, and am sitting at 173ibs/14% bodyfat. I've been working out hard and eating a ton (3k - 5k) for about 1.5 years. The bulk life is nice and it will be hard to get used to eating broccoli and kale for dinner, but I will do it once I reach my eventual form. Life (bodybuilding) is a cycle.

Why You Should Eat These Foods When Bulking

Buling is eating more food than your body needs to maintain weight so that you gain weight.  The idea is that when bulking and lifting, your...