Buling is eating more food than your body needs to maintain weight so that you gain weight. The idea is that when bulking and lifting, your body will gain muscle (and maybe a little fat feelsbadman.jpg). It's part of the traditional bulk-cut cycle many people do to gain muscle mass.
Peanut butter. You get 190 calories in two spoonfuls. I can eat that much in .5 seconds and it doesn't make me even close to full. It's high in fat, so don't eat too much of it on days when you're eating out. For people who need to consume >5000 calories a day to gain weight but don't love the feeling of being bloated every second of the day, peanut butter is a godsend.
Smoothies. Is this a cop out because it's too obvious? If you blend 2 bananas, 2 servings of PB, some chocolate, and 2 cups of soymilk... that's close to 1000 calories. These smoothies will you keep you satiated while not bloating you. You only get bloated because your body needs to break down the food you eat, but the blender here has already done most of that job for you. If you're in college, this is a little tougher because you can't always keep a blender + fridge + ingredients in a dorm room. But in every other situation in life, smoothies are an easy way to hit your caloric goals.
Rice. I know, I know, this isn't revolutionary. Rice has been a staple of bodybuilding diets since the birth of Arnold. BUT it is mainly used as a carb source, and not as a calorie source. I have never gotten full off of rice alone, so I'm confident it its capacity as a bulking food. At 200 calories in just a cup, it's a great complement to whatever normal food you're eating (even MENTOS).
I've been bulking for about 2 years, sometimes tracking calories, sometimes not. When I'm not tracking, I know that I'll under-eat. So, I make sure to get a few hearty spoonfuls of peanut butter each day, drink a smoothie in the morning, and have rice with my meals to compensate. These foods have kept me on track towards my fitness goals. BUT DON'T FORGET YOUR VEGGIES.
Friday, February 17, 2017
Friday, February 10, 2017
Why You Should Eat These Foods When Cutting
Cutting is eating less food than your body needs to maintain weight so that you lose weight. The idea is that when cutting and lifting, your body will lose fat (and maybe a little muscle feelsbadman.jpg). It's part of the traditional bulk-cut cycle many people do to gain muscle mass.
Broccoli. Broccoli is higher in protein per gram than steak. Literally more protein than muscle. The reason athletes don't substitute out all their chicken for broccoli is because the darned vegetable is incredibly calorie-light, so they'd have to eat a shit ton of it to get the same amount of brotein as a chicken breast. BUT this high protein + low calorie setup is great for people who are cutting looking to get the best bang for their buck. Be careful to not eat too much or you will be bloated until your body musters up the courage to digest that monster.
Kale. Low calorie like broccoli, and with tons of vitamin and minerals. Lots of fiber, vitamin A, and a little iron. The iron is particularly important for women and vegans. Why else would all those hippies be eating kale by the bottle? There has to be some reason there all those shirts about it. They even named a college after the vegetable, for god's sake. Just like Abraham Lincoln was said, "I never leave my tent before downing a couple of kale shakes."
Oatmeal. "You'll get fat from eating oatmeal," said your obese teacher in 8th grade health class. Dry oats are 150 calories for half a cup. Sure, you could get down maybe 500 calories of dried oats before you feel like you've eaten anything. But who eats DRY oats? If you make a cup of oatmeal with hot water, and eat it while it's still hot, it will keep you full for hours. Four hours of feeling full in exchange for 300 calories is a great deal.
Broccoli, kale, and oatmeal. All great for cutting, so long as they're not in the same dish.
Broccoli. Broccoli is higher in protein per gram than steak. Literally more protein than muscle. The reason athletes don't substitute out all their chicken for broccoli is because the darned vegetable is incredibly calorie-light, so they'd have to eat a shit ton of it to get the same amount of brotein as a chicken breast. BUT this high protein + low calorie setup is great for people who are cutting looking to get the best bang for their buck. Be careful to not eat too much or you will be bloated until your body musters up the courage to digest that monster.
Kale. Low calorie like broccoli, and with tons of vitamin and minerals. Lots of fiber, vitamin A, and a little iron. The iron is particularly important for women and vegans. Why else would all those hippies be eating kale by the bottle? There has to be some reason there all those shirts about it. They even named a college after the vegetable, for god's sake. Just like Abraham Lincoln was said, "I never leave my tent before downing a couple of kale shakes."
Oatmeal. "You'll get fat from eating oatmeal," said your obese teacher in 8th grade health class. Dry oats are 150 calories for half a cup. Sure, you could get down maybe 500 calories of dried oats before you feel like you've eaten anything. But who eats DRY oats? If you make a cup of oatmeal with hot water, and eat it while it's still hot, it will keep you full for hours. Four hours of feeling full in exchange for 300 calories is a great deal.
Broccoli, kale, and oatmeal. All great for cutting, so long as they're not in the same dish.
Wednesday, February 8, 2017
Why You Shouldn't Count Calories
Counting calories is the phenomenon by which people track their caloric intake by keeping records of everything they eat every day. They do this so they can calculate the amount of calories they need to accomplish their body goals (whether they're bulking, cutting, or maintaining). Counting calories can go from helpful to neurotic real quick if you find yourself counting the number of Equal packets you're putting in your coffee.
Calorie labels are woefully inaccurate. Casey Neistat proved that in a random convenience store in NYC. In one instance, a sandwich that claimed to be 228 calories was proven to be 548 calories. THAT'S HUGE. It's not about the extra 250 calories, it's about the fact that it is twice its advertised amount. So if you eat 10 of those sandwiches all day to hit your cutting calories of 2500, you're actually eating 5000 calories a day. Holy shit! You will get fat REAL quick unless you're running marathons everyday.
Your calorie expenditure changes every day, so why does your caloric intake stay the same? Some days you take the elevator, some days you take the stairs. Some days you lift weights, some days you do cardio. Some days you're walking around at work, some days you're in bed all day watching Netflix. It doesn't make any sense to eat the same amounts of the same foods everyday when you will not be expending the same amount of calories every day.
Social events will kill you. When you're going out with some friends you haven't seen in years, are you going to make them sit around as you enter your calories into your iPhone app? Are you only going to take 2.3 shots of vodka because that's how much you have left in your daily allotment? Weddings have some of the best food you can get, but you can't enjoy yourself if you're restricting your menu to celery and broccoli. This restriction only makes sense if you're a bodybuilding competitor in peak week, a morbidly obese person who needs to control their eating, or an Olympic athlete a day before your competition (or maybe not...).
Most people getting into fitness go through their counting-calorie stage. I did it for about 2 years. My life was fine, but the restriction was unnecessary. I would have rather just gone with the flow depending on how hungry I was on any given day. As long as you have reasonable portions of healthy meals, you will be just fine.
Calorie labels are woefully inaccurate. Casey Neistat proved that in a random convenience store in NYC. In one instance, a sandwich that claimed to be 228 calories was proven to be 548 calories. THAT'S HUGE. It's not about the extra 250 calories, it's about the fact that it is twice its advertised amount. So if you eat 10 of those sandwiches all day to hit your cutting calories of 2500, you're actually eating 5000 calories a day. Holy shit! You will get fat REAL quick unless you're running marathons everyday.
Your calorie expenditure changes every day, so why does your caloric intake stay the same? Some days you take the elevator, some days you take the stairs. Some days you lift weights, some days you do cardio. Some days you're walking around at work, some days you're in bed all day watching Netflix. It doesn't make any sense to eat the same amounts of the same foods everyday when you will not be expending the same amount of calories every day.
Social events will kill you. When you're going out with some friends you haven't seen in years, are you going to make them sit around as you enter your calories into your iPhone app? Are you only going to take 2.3 shots of vodka because that's how much you have left in your daily allotment? Weddings have some of the best food you can get, but you can't enjoy yourself if you're restricting your menu to celery and broccoli. This restriction only makes sense if you're a bodybuilding competitor in peak week, a morbidly obese person who needs to control their eating, or an Olympic athlete a day before your competition (or maybe not...).
Most people getting into fitness go through their counting-calorie stage. I did it for about 2 years. My life was fine, but the restriction was unnecessary. I would have rather just gone with the flow depending on how hungry I was on any given day. As long as you have reasonable portions of healthy meals, you will be just fine.
Monday, February 6, 2017
Why People Hate Connor Murphy
Connor Murphy is a fitness YouTuber and vlogger known for creatively taking his shirt off. He also recently joined the Six Packs Shortcuts & Abs After 40 YouTube team. He is the embodiment of r/bb.
Connor is vain. I guess that comes to mind first. I mean, the guy just keeps trying to figure out more ways to take his shirt off. Vain can be defined as "having a high opinion of one's opinion", and it's clear that Connor goes American Psycho whenever he smashes.
Connor is shallow. Not to hate on the guy, but it doesn't seem like THAT much is going on up there. You don't need to be smart to look good, just like how you don't need to be smart to be an athlete. Connor just doesn't ever discuss anything really deep on his videos. He mainly talks about taking his shirt off and hyping up his videos where he takes his shirt off.
Connor sold out. This is more valid criticism. Connor has officially joined the Six Pack Shortcuts YouTube channel. A channel known for spouting bullshit upon bullshit. A channel known for trying to convince their viewers to complete "towel workouts". A channel known for promoting fake natties. Every fitness YouTuber knows how cancerous SPS is, so I'm assuming that Connor only signed with them with the promise of a big fat check.
Connor is cringe. Connor isn't just cringey. He embodies cringe. When you do shirtless pull-ups from the ceiling of a Walmart after you tell a random girl to "spot you", that isn't awkward, that's cringe. Mega cringe. His videos get posted to cringe reddit on the regular. People hate seeing things that make them feel second-hand embarrassment.
People are jelly. Connor has a body that few will ever achieve. Haters gonna hate. Connor isn't a bad dude, so any hardcore haters are kind of pathetic. Let a homie live his life.
I don't hate the dude, namely for the reasons stated in the PEOPLE ARE JELLY section. I actually like him, he seems like a nice guy. However, if I had his body, I wouldn't be taking off my shirt at every opportunity. BUT I'd imagine anybody without crippling anxiety probably would.
Connor is vain. I guess that comes to mind first. I mean, the guy just keeps trying to figure out more ways to take his shirt off. Vain can be defined as "having a high opinion of one's opinion", and it's clear that Connor goes American Psycho whenever he smashes.
Connor is shallow. Not to hate on the guy, but it doesn't seem like THAT much is going on up there. You don't need to be smart to look good, just like how you don't need to be smart to be an athlete. Connor just doesn't ever discuss anything really deep on his videos. He mainly talks about taking his shirt off and hyping up his videos where he takes his shirt off.
Connor sold out. This is more valid criticism. Connor has officially joined the Six Pack Shortcuts YouTube channel. A channel known for spouting bullshit upon bullshit. A channel known for trying to convince their viewers to complete "towel workouts". A channel known for promoting fake natties. Every fitness YouTuber knows how cancerous SPS is, so I'm assuming that Connor only signed with them with the promise of a big fat check.
Connor is cringe. Connor isn't just cringey. He embodies cringe. When you do shirtless pull-ups from the ceiling of a Walmart after you tell a random girl to "spot you", that isn't awkward, that's cringe. Mega cringe. His videos get posted to cringe reddit on the regular. People hate seeing things that make them feel second-hand embarrassment.
People are jelly. Connor has a body that few will ever achieve. Haters gonna hate. Connor isn't a bad dude, so any hardcore haters are kind of pathetic. Let a homie live his life.
I don't hate the dude, namely for the reasons stated in the PEOPLE ARE JELLY section. I actually like him, he seems like a nice guy. However, if I had his body, I wouldn't be taking off my shirt at every opportunity. BUT I'd imagine anybody without crippling anxiety probably would.
Wednesday, February 1, 2017
Why You Shouldn't Buy Preworkout
Preworkout powders are supplements designed to be taken before a workout to help you work out harder, faster, stronger. Just like every other supplement that is not an illegal steroid, they are SCAMS.
You don't know everything that is in it. Preworkouts mostly contain the same ingredients: a stimulant, a pumping agent, and a muscle aid. These often take the form of caffeine, citruline, and beta alanine. HOWEVER, after these ingredients, companies will list a 'proprietary blend' without giving the specifics. They argue that if they list what they put in, other companies will copy them. You would never eat food with a blindfold on, so why take sketchy preworkout?
You are paying for an addictive drug. Even if the ingredients aren't physically addictive, it can become psychologically addictive. If you take a scoop of DickPump Preworkout every time before you work out, you start to believe that the only way you can make progress is if you got a scoop or two of that pink powder. That's how they get you: you incorrectly believe that the preworkout is an essential part of your routine. They got you shelling out dough forever.
The manufacturers could be illegally dosing it with weird shit. Jack3d came under heavy fire a few years ago for dosing their products with too much DMAA, a noted amphetamine and cousin of meth. You will come down HARD from amphetamines which will make you feel like shit. How do you bounce back? You take MORE amphetamines! Physically addictive drugs like these can ruin your life. Not to mention failing drug tests for jobs, schools, sports, etc.
You are overpaying by a fat, sweaty margin. Many of these companies charge $30 for 30 servings. that's $1 every time you want to work out. And, your body will become used to the formula in a few weeks, so then you'll have to take 2 scoops to get the same edge. Now you have to pay $2 for every work out?? Dude, if you're that fucking rich skip out on that shit and buy some Lululemon workout clothes instead.
Making your own pre-workout is 1/10th the cost. If you want to get amped, all you need is caffeine. You can buy 200mg caffeine pills on Amazon for $12 for 100. THAT'S 6 CENTS FOR ONE PILL! That's really all you need.
Preworkout is for the people who go to meetings wearing yak heads and decide which world economy they will overturn next. You are likely not rich enough to buy useless shit. Buy caffeine pills or go au natural.
You don't know everything that is in it. Preworkouts mostly contain the same ingredients: a stimulant, a pumping agent, and a muscle aid. These often take the form of caffeine, citruline, and beta alanine. HOWEVER, after these ingredients, companies will list a 'proprietary blend' without giving the specifics. They argue that if they list what they put in, other companies will copy them. You would never eat food with a blindfold on, so why take sketchy preworkout?
You are paying for an addictive drug. Even if the ingredients aren't physically addictive, it can become psychologically addictive. If you take a scoop of DickPump Preworkout every time before you work out, you start to believe that the only way you can make progress is if you got a scoop or two of that pink powder. That's how they get you: you incorrectly believe that the preworkout is an essential part of your routine. They got you shelling out dough forever.
The manufacturers could be illegally dosing it with weird shit. Jack3d came under heavy fire a few years ago for dosing their products with too much DMAA, a noted amphetamine and cousin of meth. You will come down HARD from amphetamines which will make you feel like shit. How do you bounce back? You take MORE amphetamines! Physically addictive drugs like these can ruin your life. Not to mention failing drug tests for jobs, schools, sports, etc.
You are overpaying by a fat, sweaty margin. Many of these companies charge $30 for 30 servings. that's $1 every time you want to work out. And, your body will become used to the formula in a few weeks, so then you'll have to take 2 scoops to get the same edge. Now you have to pay $2 for every work out?? Dude, if you're that fucking rich skip out on that shit and buy some Lululemon workout clothes instead.
Making your own pre-workout is 1/10th the cost. If you want to get amped, all you need is caffeine. You can buy 200mg caffeine pills on Amazon for $12 for 100. THAT'S 6 CENTS FOR ONE PILL! That's really all you need.
Preworkout is for the people who go to meetings wearing yak heads and decide which world economy they will overturn next. You are likely not rich enough to buy useless shit. Buy caffeine pills or go au natural.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Why People Hate Christian Guzman
Christian Guzman is the CEO of clothing brand Alphalete, the owner of Alphalete gym, a YouTube fitness guy, and a physique competitor. He started out as a small time YouTube online fitness coach and just skyrocketed to stardom with Alphalete. He also bought his pops a car one time but took 32 years to go fishing with him.
Christian is materialistic. He's like 23 years old and every other month it seems like he's buying a new sports car. He lives in a giant house, wears expensive clothes, and dates hotties. To many, this is shallow. Apparently, he should give it all up to go live in a monastery. The haters want him to run Alphalete out of a homeless shelter. Live yo life ma G.
Christian broke up with popular YouTube fitness personality Nikki Blackketter. HER fans say he broke up with her unjustifiably for hooking up with some guy while the two were on a break. HIS fans say that he broke up with her because she lied to him about said hookup and can no longer be trusted. Either way, he pissed off a whole lot of Nikki's fans (tween girls and horny guys) who now attack him for whatever they can get they grubby little hands on.
Christian is an annoying philosophical bodybuilder. Lifting weights doesn't make you Ghandi's disciple. And yet so many bodybuilders have to take lifting and turn it into this higher art that only those pure of heart and mind can achieve. Christian is one of those people who has to extrapolate deeper meanings from bodybuilding and turn it into motivational bullshit. It's annoying, it's cliche, and it comes off as extremely insincere.
Christian is vanilla. Heck yeah, man! He barely curses, seems to have no strong opinions, and isn't very funny. He seems like an okay dude, but just a bit bland. And he has to be -- that's how you get the most subscribers. Normative celebrities have the greatest outreach.
Christian is natty. Should people hate him for this? No. But while he's big for a natty and is a master of angles, he looks DYEL in some of his pictures. People think his physique isn't that impressive and that he's overrated.
Honestly, he seems like a good guy. Like any public celebrity, he has his faults, but his contributions to this world are a net positive. THOSE GLUTE GAINS!
Christian broke up with popular YouTube fitness personality Nikki Blackketter. HER fans say he broke up with her unjustifiably for hooking up with some guy while the two were on a break. HIS fans say that he broke up with her because she lied to him about said hookup and can no longer be trusted. Either way, he pissed off a whole lot of Nikki's fans (tween girls and horny guys) who now attack him for whatever they can get they grubby little hands on.
Christian is an annoying philosophical bodybuilder. Lifting weights doesn't make you Ghandi's disciple. And yet so many bodybuilders have to take lifting and turn it into this higher art that only those pure of heart and mind can achieve. Christian is one of those people who has to extrapolate deeper meanings from bodybuilding and turn it into motivational bullshit. It's annoying, it's cliche, and it comes off as extremely insincere.
Christian is vanilla. Heck yeah, man! He barely curses, seems to have no strong opinions, and isn't very funny. He seems like an okay dude, but just a bit bland. And he has to be -- that's how you get the most subscribers. Normative celebrities have the greatest outreach.
Christian is natty. Should people hate him for this? No. But while he's big for a natty and is a master of angles, he looks DYEL in some of his pictures. People think his physique isn't that impressive and that he's overrated.
Honestly, he seems like a good guy. Like any public celebrity, he has his faults, but his contributions to this world are a net positive. THOSE GLUTE GAINS!
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Why Bodybuilders Shouldn't Take That Second Rest Day
A second rest day is the phenomenon in which some bodybuilders take off two days a week from the gym. It's often Saturday and Sunday. A rest day gives the body a chance to recover and keeps the nervous system from going full scrambled eggs mode, but two in a row is often overkill.
You are not overtraining. Unless you are working out on 3 hours of sleep everyday, eating a grape for dinner, and doing Rich Piana's 8 hour arm workout, you are not overtraining. Unless you a CrossFitting and doing 300 squats followed by 300 deadlifts, you are not overtraining. Unless you are flailing your arms for 1000 bastardized pull ups, you are not overtraining. You don't need that much rest, dude.
You get off rhythm. Motivation may get you into the gym for that first week or month, because to form a habit you must commit to several weeks of repetition. But after that, regimen is what gets you in. You just go because you always go. If you take too much time off, it's much harder to get back on the gainz train. Why not ride the gainz train with no breaks??
You will never achieve your goals. Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh. But it stands to make sense that if keep resting instead of lifting, it will take much longer to reach your aesthetic goals. If you take an extra day to rest, not only is your body done recovering and that 'rest' time is actually calories turning to fat, but that's a lost opportunity to smash your muscles. If you just get enough sleep, you should be fine with one rest day.
There is no scientific reason for bodybuilders on muscle-split workout programs to take more than one rest day. The fun REALLY begins if you hop on PED's and you never have to take a rest day, just an endless cycle of Rich Piana workouts -- KILL THAT SHIT.
You are not overtraining. Unless you are working out on 3 hours of sleep everyday, eating a grape for dinner, and doing Rich Piana's 8 hour arm workout, you are not overtraining. Unless you a CrossFitting and doing 300 squats followed by 300 deadlifts, you are not overtraining. Unless you are flailing your arms for 1000 bastardized pull ups, you are not overtraining. You don't need that much rest, dude.
You get off rhythm. Motivation may get you into the gym for that first week or month, because to form a habit you must commit to several weeks of repetition. But after that, regimen is what gets you in. You just go because you always go. If you take too much time off, it's much harder to get back on the gainz train. Why not ride the gainz train with no breaks??
You will never achieve your goals. Okay, maybe that's a bit harsh. But it stands to make sense that if keep resting instead of lifting, it will take much longer to reach your aesthetic goals. If you take an extra day to rest, not only is your body done recovering and that 'rest' time is actually calories turning to fat, but that's a lost opportunity to smash your muscles. If you just get enough sleep, you should be fine with one rest day.
There is no scientific reason for bodybuilders on muscle-split workout programs to take more than one rest day. The fun REALLY begins if you hop on PED's and you never have to take a rest day, just an endless cycle of Rich Piana workouts -- KILL THAT SHIT.
Friday, January 20, 2017
Why People Hate Bradley Martyn
Bradley Martyn is a former physique competitor, current fitness YouTuber, and owner of the fitness company BMfit. He is known amongst his fans for being "the realest" in the fitness industry. He is incredibly athletic, and is known for his viral lifting stunts.
Bradley is hypocritical about online coaches. Bradley almost singlehandedly took down Devin Physique. He made a video about Devin and his company Shredz, and that video snowballed into Devin's downfall. One of his most critical points was that Devin didn't personalize his workout programs as an "online coach" and instead relied on cookie cutter routines. BUT as big as Bradley is, I think there is absolutely NO fucking way he does all of his clients' routines himself. Cassidy from Train to Look Good Naked confirmed just as much.
Bradley rips off other designers for his merchandise. Parodies are OKAY. The "If You're Reading This It's Arm Day" is totally fine even though it plays off of Drake's mixtape name. So is the Kanye-inspired "I Feel Like Arnold" shirt. Parody law, bitches. But his pizza hat is NOT okay because there is no parody involved and it is literally just an imitation of Chris Brown's merchandise design. That is plain stealing. Not cool, Brad, not cool.
Bradley is apparently a bad friend in real life. Cassidy from Train to Look Good Naked detailed his attempt to do a video with Bradley. TLDR; Bradley promised to do a video with Cassidy - Cassidy spent over $1k in airfare and food to get out to California to see Bradley - Bradley didn't even give him a blanket or pillow to sleep on - Bradley ditched Cassidy for over 8 hours one day - Bradley decided to not do a video with Cassidy. Those are all asshole moves.
Bradley is fake. Cassidy says that Bradley is not friends with his cameraman in real life and only talks to him when they need to get business done. Calum von Moger also wrote up a a top YouTube comment about how he told Bradley some feelings he was having about his girlfriend, Bradley told that girl about the conversation, and it contributed to the end of her and Calum's relationship. #Fake. Bradley also rants about the greediness of the fitness industry all the time, but charges something like 35k for an Instagram shoutout or a booth visit. Crazy shit.
Bradley hides how he looks. This ties into his fakeness - he wears a hat 24/7 to hide a weak hairline. It just makes him an easy target and I get second-hand embarrassment from his self-esteem issues. It's not even THAT bad. He could easily shave it short and still look as good as ever. But he doesn't, so he earns the nickname BALDY MARTYN.
Bradley is not the savior of the fitness industry, he IS the fitness industry. The idea that so many people don't see it and wait in 6 hour long lines to meet him just boggles the mind.
Bradley is hypocritical about online coaches. Bradley almost singlehandedly took down Devin Physique. He made a video about Devin and his company Shredz, and that video snowballed into Devin's downfall. One of his most critical points was that Devin didn't personalize his workout programs as an "online coach" and instead relied on cookie cutter routines. BUT as big as Bradley is, I think there is absolutely NO fucking way he does all of his clients' routines himself. Cassidy from Train to Look Good Naked confirmed just as much.
Bradley rips off other designers for his merchandise. Parodies are OKAY. The "If You're Reading This It's Arm Day" is totally fine even though it plays off of Drake's mixtape name. So is the Kanye-inspired "I Feel Like Arnold" shirt. Parody law, bitches. But his pizza hat is NOT okay because there is no parody involved and it is literally just an imitation of Chris Brown's merchandise design. That is plain stealing. Not cool, Brad, not cool.
Bradley is apparently a bad friend in real life. Cassidy from Train to Look Good Naked detailed his attempt to do a video with Bradley. TLDR; Bradley promised to do a video with Cassidy - Cassidy spent over $1k in airfare and food to get out to California to see Bradley - Bradley didn't even give him a blanket or pillow to sleep on - Bradley ditched Cassidy for over 8 hours one day - Bradley decided to not do a video with Cassidy. Those are all asshole moves.
Bradley is fake. Cassidy says that Bradley is not friends with his cameraman in real life and only talks to him when they need to get business done. Calum von Moger also wrote up a a top YouTube comment about how he told Bradley some feelings he was having about his girlfriend, Bradley told that girl about the conversation, and it contributed to the end of her and Calum's relationship. #Fake. Bradley also rants about the greediness of the fitness industry all the time, but charges something like 35k for an Instagram shoutout or a booth visit. Crazy shit.
Bradley hides how he looks. This ties into his fakeness - he wears a hat 24/7 to hide a weak hairline. It just makes him an easy target and I get second-hand embarrassment from his self-esteem issues. It's not even THAT bad. He could easily shave it short and still look as good as ever. But he doesn't, so he earns the nickname BALDY MARTYN.
Bradley is not the savior of the fitness industry, he IS the fitness industry. The idea that so many people don't see it and wait in 6 hour long lines to meet him just boggles the mind.
Monday, January 16, 2017
Why People Hate Brian Turner (HumerusFitness)
Brian Turner is a physique competitor, fitness YouTuber, and owner of the Beyond The Weak clothing brand. He says he is a "9 year natural vegan bodybuilder", but he's only been vegan for a year or two, and made 99% of his gains while not vegan. Still impressive for a natty.
Brian's fake positivity is smothering. As Pewdiepie once discussed, YouTube is under the Tyranny of Positivity. Youtube vloggers act overly-positive all the time and it just REEKS of insecurity and pure fakeness. You are not happy all the time, nobody is. Stop pretending that your life is so dandy so that your core audience of middle-aged soccer moms pops another pill because they think that they have to be like you. Just be a normal dude for once, stop censoring yourself.
Brian exploits his past acne for views. I understand that people who have overcome a particular adversity want to help others who may be going through that adversity. But he's run out of stories to tell. That "Accutane Adventures" series wasn't a bad idea, but now it's been years and he's still running that train. Maybe it's because he seems so disingenuous, but now his acne videos just seem like tailored clickbait.
Brian is (allegedly) a bitch in real life. Simon and Garrett of Massthetics have roasted him in depth about being annoying and fake. BEYOND THE WEAK, BRO. TLDR; They called Brian out on his fakeness, so Brian spanked them. No, really, he did. That's some weird shit, bro (Ripped Bri, anyone?). At a separate expo, a Massthetics fan got bullied by Brian, who apparently waited outside an airport bathroom and kept asking them, "Do you feel big?" for wearing Massthetics-branded clothes. This story is just weird enough for me to believe it. The "Do you feel big?" is totally something Brian would say. I only say "allegedly" because it's one side of a story... but it sounds plausible.
Brian sells poor quality clothes for a premium. He has to make a buck somehow, I get that. I'm not knocking his hustle. But his clothes look unbelievably thin and flimsy for the price he's asking. Not only that, but they're the kinds of colors that will get you sweat stains supa quick unless you get your armpits surgically removed. Take a hint from gumah and actually put a little bit of effort into making your clothes wearable.
Brian's brand "Beyond the Weak" is beyond corny and cringey. Most fitness YouTuber clothing brands are cringey, but this sets a new low. And when you got brand names like Alphalete and Ever Forward, that's saying something. "Beyond the Weak" is just nauseating, and the idea that a normal bro would wear a shirt that says that dumb slogan is Beyond the Imaginable.
Look, if Brian makes a shirt that says "Do you feel big?" , I'd buy something from him in a heartbeat. Even if he printed it on that tissue paper that he calls a shirt.
Brian's fake positivity is smothering. As Pewdiepie once discussed, YouTube is under the Tyranny of Positivity. Youtube vloggers act overly-positive all the time and it just REEKS of insecurity and pure fakeness. You are not happy all the time, nobody is. Stop pretending that your life is so dandy so that your core audience of middle-aged soccer moms pops another pill because they think that they have to be like you. Just be a normal dude for once, stop censoring yourself.
Brian exploits his past acne for views. I understand that people who have overcome a particular adversity want to help others who may be going through that adversity. But he's run out of stories to tell. That "Accutane Adventures" series wasn't a bad idea, but now it's been years and he's still running that train. Maybe it's because he seems so disingenuous, but now his acne videos just seem like tailored clickbait.
Brian is (allegedly) a bitch in real life. Simon and Garrett of Massthetics have roasted him in depth about being annoying and fake. BEYOND THE WEAK, BRO. TLDR; They called Brian out on his fakeness, so Brian spanked them. No, really, he did. That's some weird shit, bro (Ripped Bri, anyone?). At a separate expo, a Massthetics fan got bullied by Brian, who apparently waited outside an airport bathroom and kept asking them, "Do you feel big?" for wearing Massthetics-branded clothes. This story is just weird enough for me to believe it. The "Do you feel big?" is totally something Brian would say. I only say "allegedly" because it's one side of a story... but it sounds plausible.
Brian sells poor quality clothes for a premium. He has to make a buck somehow, I get that. I'm not knocking his hustle. But his clothes look unbelievably thin and flimsy for the price he's asking. Not only that, but they're the kinds of colors that will get you sweat stains supa quick unless you get your armpits surgically removed. Take a hint from gumah and actually put a little bit of effort into making your clothes wearable.
Brian's brand "Beyond the Weak" is beyond corny and cringey. Most fitness YouTuber clothing brands are cringey, but this sets a new low. And when you got brand names like Alphalete and Ever Forward, that's saying something. "Beyond the Weak" is just nauseating, and the idea that a normal bro would wear a shirt that says that dumb slogan is Beyond the Imaginable.
Look, if Brian makes a shirt that says "Do you feel big?" , I'd buy something from him in a heartbeat. Even if he printed it on that tissue paper that he calls a shirt.
Friday, January 13, 2017
Why People Hate Steve Cook
Steve Cook is a former IFBB physique competitor, sponsored GymShark and Bodybuilding.com 'athlete', and popular fitness YouTuber. He is known for being very, very good looking, basically.
Steve jumped in on the CrossFit circlejerk, sold it like the gospel, and then quietly hopped off. There is nothing bodybuilders hate more than CrossFit. So, understandably, Steve faced a lot of backlash for posting CrossFit workouts. Not only did he hop on that dick like his life depended on it, but he would say dumb shit like it makes you look better than bodybuilding would. On average, this is wrong. Sure, maybe the most elite CrossFit person will look better than Jason Genova, but most of them do not look great. Then, randomly, he stopped. At least if he stuck with that shit I could respect his hustle. Instead, he just rode a trend until he got bored.
Steve runs an annoying YouTube vlog channel. A few vloggers are good, most are not. Steve, unfortunately, is not. He does that whole over-positive persona that a lot of Youtubers do. You know, like pretending everything in their life is dope (probably is) and that they are happy all the fucking time (probably not). It comes off as extremely fake and makes Steve seem like a swole FouseyTube. Steve, I don't care what the fuck you had for breakfast unless you topped it off with Tren flakes.
Steve is in the middle of a woe-is-me midlife crisis. He's floundering around, starting with some crazy ideas, but never does anything with them. He wanted to start a gym. Then another clothing line. Then become a football player. Then become an actor in LA. Then he started dating a 22 year old (a year older than the half-your-age-plus-seven rule... but still weird). It's disappointing to watch a successful man that has it all go on an easily-stoppable downward spiral.
Steve is a sore loser. He lost his most recent physique competition (2014), and instead of taking it in stride, putting his nose to the stone, and trying harder for next year, he swore off the sport and hasn't competed since. What. A. Bitch. Nothing spells "Champion" like "I didn't win a completely subjective contest so I'll give up my life's work."
Steve lies about his drug use and promotes broscience. I actually don't blame him for saying he's natty when he clearly isn't, because he has to get those fat supplement checks. Hate the player, not the game, something like that. But he doesn't have to promote broscience like training "the bottom third of his biceps" (FYI: You can't train a third of your biceps alone). He acts like his bullshit broscience made him huge when it was really just a nice PED stack.
Sorry r/bb, but nothing about Steve Cook makes him different than any other motivational YouTube bodybuilder. He's vanilla ice cream and I'm not that boring.
Steve jumped in on the CrossFit circlejerk, sold it like the gospel, and then quietly hopped off. There is nothing bodybuilders hate more than CrossFit. So, understandably, Steve faced a lot of backlash for posting CrossFit workouts. Not only did he hop on that dick like his life depended on it, but he would say dumb shit like it makes you look better than bodybuilding would. On average, this is wrong. Sure, maybe the most elite CrossFit person will look better than Jason Genova, but most of them do not look great. Then, randomly, he stopped. At least if he stuck with that shit I could respect his hustle. Instead, he just rode a trend until he got bored.
Steve runs an annoying YouTube vlog channel. A few vloggers are good, most are not. Steve, unfortunately, is not. He does that whole over-positive persona that a lot of Youtubers do. You know, like pretending everything in their life is dope (probably is) and that they are happy all the fucking time (probably not). It comes off as extremely fake and makes Steve seem like a swole FouseyTube. Steve, I don't care what the fuck you had for breakfast unless you topped it off with Tren flakes.
Steve is in the middle of a woe-is-me midlife crisis. He's floundering around, starting with some crazy ideas, but never does anything with them. He wanted to start a gym. Then another clothing line. Then become a football player. Then become an actor in LA. Then he started dating a 22 year old (a year older than the half-your-age-plus-seven rule... but still weird). It's disappointing to watch a successful man that has it all go on an easily-stoppable downward spiral.
Steve is a sore loser. He lost his most recent physique competition (2014), and instead of taking it in stride, putting his nose to the stone, and trying harder for next year, he swore off the sport and hasn't competed since. What. A. Bitch. Nothing spells "Champion" like "I didn't win a completely subjective contest so I'll give up my life's work."
Steve lies about his drug use and promotes broscience. I actually don't blame him for saying he's natty when he clearly isn't, because he has to get those fat supplement checks. Hate the player, not the game, something like that. But he doesn't have to promote broscience like training "the bottom third of his biceps" (FYI: You can't train a third of your biceps alone). He acts like his bullshit broscience made him huge when it was really just a nice PED stack.
Sorry r/bb, but nothing about Steve Cook makes him different than any other motivational YouTube bodybuilder. He's vanilla ice cream and I'm not that boring.
Monday, January 9, 2017
Which Workout Routine You Should Follow
A workout routine is a regimen one follows to exercise their body. They vary on the exercises used, the number of sets implemented, the number of reps used for each set, the number of workout days, the number of rest days, etc. Every person can and should tailor their workout routine to their individual goals and physical limitations.
If you can/want to workout 6 days a week, prefer bodybuilding over powerlifting, and want maximum results, you should do PPL. Also known as a pull-push-legs routine. On your pull day, you workout the muscles that engage the most in pulling motions: back and biceps. On your push day, you workout the muscles that engage the most in pushing motions: chest and triceps. On your leg day, you workout your legs, specifically your quads, hammies, and calves (most people also throw in some ab work for the layyyyyydies). This cycle is 3 days, so most people repeat the cycle twice, for a total of 6 days. On the seventh day, you take your rest day, just like God :) If you don't want to take that rest day, and your body seems fit and able, feel free to repeat the cycle once or twice more. When I did this, I would feel pretty beat by the fourth cycle, and those workouts would be weaker and I'd have a worse performance. If you have a busy schedule, it may be easier to just program two 3 day cycles and rest on the same day every week. Linked here is a popular program made by bodybuilding.com user coolcicada. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY AND ADJUST ACCORDINGLY. I don't always like to admit it, but I eventually phased out all barbell work in favor of dumbbell work. Barbell bench was fucking up my wrists and shoulders, so now I dumbbell bench. I wasn't getting much hypertrophy on barbell deadlifts, so I switched to dumbbell stiff-legged deadlifts. Barbell squats were great for my quads, but they were fucking up my knees, so I opted for the horizontal leg press. My physique has only improved through all these adjustments, despite all the claims that you NEED these movements to look good.
If you are a complete noob, only can/want to workout 3 days a week, don't care about looking good, and only want to get stronger, you should do Starting Strength. It has you working out three days a week, typically every other day (MWF), with each day being a full-body workout. These three days each have you doing several compound movements (squat, bench OR overhead press, deadlift) in sets of 5. This program gets thrown around a lot to beginners who have never stepped inside a gym before. It teaches you form from the very beginning by starting you off with an empty barbell. BUT it focuses on strength work, so you get stronger every week, but you have little to show for it because there's so little hypertrophy work. Linked here is the classic one that even has an app for it.
If you can/want to workout 4 days a week, prefer to split your efforts between bodybuilding and powerlifting, you should do PHUL. It stands for Power-Hypertrophy-Upper-Lower. You spend day 1 on powerlifting movements for your upper body, day 2 on bodybuilding movements for your upper body, day 3 as a rest day, day 4 on powerlifting movements for your lower body, day 5 on bodybuilding movements for your lower body, and days 6 and 7 are rest days. So, yeah, 4 days on, 3 days off. It's a nice mixture between the tireless PPL and the boring as shit SS. It uses lower reps for strength, and higher reps for hypertrophy. It was started by Brandon Campbell, and an online version of the program is linked here.
If you are no longer a beginner, have plateued on Starting Strength, and still want to get stronger on the main compound lifts, give 5/3/1 a try. You workout 3 - 4 days a week, with each workout focusing on one of the three lifts. As opposed to SS where you do multiple different compounds in one session, in 5/3/1, each day has its own special lift. Example: one day will have just deadlifts, ham raises, and glute kicks. No squats or bench on that day. The accessory movements tacked on at the end help build the muscles needed for the main lift of the day. This plan gets its name from its patterned use during compounds: you do 5 reps of a lower weight, 3 reps of a weight that's a bit higher, and 1 rep of your max (typical). Check out this T-Nation article that gives a pretty good example 5/3/1 workout plan.
If you are natty and want to make the minimum gains possible, do a Bro Split. This is where you only work out one muscle group per day, every day of the week. It is extremely inefficient because natty muscles stop growing less than 48 hours after working out. But on a Bro Split, you can't workout the same muscles 48 hours later, you have to wait an entire week. This type of training only makes sense when you're on PEDs, which lengthen the muscle growth timeline up to a week after working out. As in, you do biceps on Monday, and your biceps continue to "grow" by repairing themselves throughout the rest of the week. Natty bros, beware of this routine.
TLDR: Stick to PPL unless you are a powerlifter.
If you can/want to workout 6 days a week, prefer bodybuilding over powerlifting, and want maximum results, you should do PPL. Also known as a pull-push-legs routine. On your pull day, you workout the muscles that engage the most in pulling motions: back and biceps. On your push day, you workout the muscles that engage the most in pushing motions: chest and triceps. On your leg day, you workout your legs, specifically your quads, hammies, and calves (most people also throw in some ab work for the layyyyyydies). This cycle is 3 days, so most people repeat the cycle twice, for a total of 6 days. On the seventh day, you take your rest day, just like God :) If you don't want to take that rest day, and your body seems fit and able, feel free to repeat the cycle once or twice more. When I did this, I would feel pretty beat by the fourth cycle, and those workouts would be weaker and I'd have a worse performance. If you have a busy schedule, it may be easier to just program two 3 day cycles and rest on the same day every week. Linked here is a popular program made by bodybuilding.com user coolcicada. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY AND ADJUST ACCORDINGLY. I don't always like to admit it, but I eventually phased out all barbell work in favor of dumbbell work. Barbell bench was fucking up my wrists and shoulders, so now I dumbbell bench. I wasn't getting much hypertrophy on barbell deadlifts, so I switched to dumbbell stiff-legged deadlifts. Barbell squats were great for my quads, but they were fucking up my knees, so I opted for the horizontal leg press. My physique has only improved through all these adjustments, despite all the claims that you NEED these movements to look good.
If you are a complete noob, only can/want to workout 3 days a week, don't care about looking good, and only want to get stronger, you should do Starting Strength. It has you working out three days a week, typically every other day (MWF), with each day being a full-body workout. These three days each have you doing several compound movements (squat, bench OR overhead press, deadlift) in sets of 5. This program gets thrown around a lot to beginners who have never stepped inside a gym before. It teaches you form from the very beginning by starting you off with an empty barbell. BUT it focuses on strength work, so you get stronger every week, but you have little to show for it because there's so little hypertrophy work. Linked here is the classic one that even has an app for it.
If you can/want to workout 4 days a week, prefer to split your efforts between bodybuilding and powerlifting, you should do PHUL. It stands for Power-Hypertrophy-Upper-Lower. You spend day 1 on powerlifting movements for your upper body, day 2 on bodybuilding movements for your upper body, day 3 as a rest day, day 4 on powerlifting movements for your lower body, day 5 on bodybuilding movements for your lower body, and days 6 and 7 are rest days. So, yeah, 4 days on, 3 days off. It's a nice mixture between the tireless PPL and the boring as shit SS. It uses lower reps for strength, and higher reps for hypertrophy. It was started by Brandon Campbell, and an online version of the program is linked here.
If you are no longer a beginner, have plateued on Starting Strength, and still want to get stronger on the main compound lifts, give 5/3/1 a try. You workout 3 - 4 days a week, with each workout focusing on one of the three lifts. As opposed to SS where you do multiple different compounds in one session, in 5/3/1, each day has its own special lift. Example: one day will have just deadlifts, ham raises, and glute kicks. No squats or bench on that day. The accessory movements tacked on at the end help build the muscles needed for the main lift of the day. This plan gets its name from its patterned use during compounds: you do 5 reps of a lower weight, 3 reps of a weight that's a bit higher, and 1 rep of your max (typical). Check out this T-Nation article that gives a pretty good example 5/3/1 workout plan.
If you are natty and want to make the minimum gains possible, do a Bro Split. This is where you only work out one muscle group per day, every day of the week. It is extremely inefficient because natty muscles stop growing less than 48 hours after working out. But on a Bro Split, you can't workout the same muscles 48 hours later, you have to wait an entire week. This type of training only makes sense when you're on PEDs, which lengthen the muscle growth timeline up to a week after working out. As in, you do biceps on Monday, and your biceps continue to "grow" by repairing themselves throughout the rest of the week. Natty bros, beware of this routine.
TLDR: Stick to PPL unless you are a powerlifter.
Friday, January 6, 2017
Why You Won't Get Jacked From Bodyweight Exercises
Bodyweight fitness is the training of one's body without the help of scary spooky weights. It is primarily for people who claim they want to get in shape but never will. There are exceptions who attain great physiques with pushups, pull-ups, and 1g TREN daily.
You can't progressively overload your muscles (easily). When it comes to weight resistance, specifically barbell work, you can just add 2.5ibs mini-plates to the ends and BAM you're stronger than you were the last time you lifted it. When you're doing things like pull-ups or pushups, doing sets of 50 is more cardio than weight lifting. And like everybody knows, cardio kills gainz.
There is less motivation when you are not working out in a gym. Hate me, r/homegym, I don't give a fuck. Will you really go to the park everyday to do pull-ups and flag stands? In front of toddlers and their dads? Really, you'll do it? I doubt it. When you're at a gym, you're motivated by the other people there. You feel camaraderie with the other overweight people at the gym sweating along side you. You're fueled by jealousy at the sight of dudes who are jacked out of their minds. You can only get jacked with that kind of motivation and discipline that's everywhere in a gym.
Your body will become adjusted to the exercises you use and will not grow. There are just not THAT many effective bodyweight exercises that you can do for a long period of time. Are you really just going to do pull-ups, pushups, and sit-ups for the rest of your life and expect to look like Arnie? In most commercial gyms, there are countless machines that you can incorporate into your workout. If you wanted, you could probably do a different routine everyday of your life. Variety is the spice of getting pumps, or something like that.
You can burn calories doing bodyweight stuff, but you won't grow traps. And isn't that the reason we slave away in a gym 6 days a week?
Wednesday, January 4, 2017
When You Should Bulk And When You Should Cut
Bulking is eating lots of food so that you gain weight, and cutting is eating much less food so that you lose weight. The idea is that when bulking and lifting, the extra calories will be used to build muscle mass (and a little fat feelsbadman.jpg), and when cutting and lifting, your body will lose fat (and a little muscle feelsbadman.jpg). You can gain muscle mass quicker than if you were to eat at maintenance calories and lift, but it is more tedious and you have to change clothes sizes rapidly.
If you're > 20% bodyfat, you should cut. Let's face it. The permabulking days are over. You can't eat 4 pizzas on Sunday, deadlift on Monday, and call it even. If you're over 20%, the abs are long gone, the gut is setting in, and any muscle you have is being overtaken by fat fat FAT. Do yourself and the world a favor and diet down to 11%.
If you're < 13% bodyfat, you should bulk. Chances are you are not a Steve Cook 12%. You are most likely a Michael Cera 12% (both are rich, I wouldn't complain). You have little definition, and even though you may have visible abs, visible abs on a skinny dude are not impressive. Well, maybe to girls, but everyone knows we straight men work out for the guys. Start eating peanut butter and go lift heavy.
If you're 13% - 20% bodyfat and happy with how you look, you should maintain. Not everyone needs to be a freak. Most recreational bodybuilders fall within these numbers. And even if you're not swole, it's ok if that's ok with you. Some people just want to look good in a suit, and if you're a lean 13% - 20%, you can do just that. Sure, bulk and cut cycles are the quickest way to get shredded and put on some MEAT, but you don't need lean muscle to be a success. Value your friends, work hard at your job, and be the best you that you can be. Kum bah yah.
Personally, I started at 140ibs/11% bodyfat, and am sitting at 173ibs/14% bodyfat. I've been working out hard and eating a ton (3k - 5k) for about 1.5 years. The bulk life is nice and it will be hard to get used to eating broccoli and kale for dinner, but I will do it once I reach my eventual form. Life (bodybuilding) is a cycle.
If you're > 20% bodyfat, you should cut. Let's face it. The permabulking days are over. You can't eat 4 pizzas on Sunday, deadlift on Monday, and call it even. If you're over 20%, the abs are long gone, the gut is setting in, and any muscle you have is being overtaken by fat fat FAT. Do yourself and the world a favor and diet down to 11%.
If you're < 13% bodyfat, you should bulk. Chances are you are not a Steve Cook 12%. You are most likely a Michael Cera 12% (both are rich, I wouldn't complain). You have little definition, and even though you may have visible abs, visible abs on a skinny dude are not impressive. Well, maybe to girls, but everyone knows we straight men work out for the guys. Start eating peanut butter and go lift heavy.
If you're 13% - 20% bodyfat and happy with how you look, you should maintain. Not everyone needs to be a freak. Most recreational bodybuilders fall within these numbers. And even if you're not swole, it's ok if that's ok with you. Some people just want to look good in a suit, and if you're a lean 13% - 20%, you can do just that. Sure, bulk and cut cycles are the quickest way to get shredded and put on some MEAT, but you don't need lean muscle to be a success. Value your friends, work hard at your job, and be the best you that you can be. Kum bah yah.
Personally, I started at 140ibs/11% bodyfat, and am sitting at 173ibs/14% bodyfat. I've been working out hard and eating a ton (3k - 5k) for about 1.5 years. The bulk life is nice and it will be hard to get used to eating broccoli and kale for dinner, but I will do it once I reach my eventual form. Life (bodybuilding) is a cycle.
Friday, December 16, 2016
Why People Love Gold's Gym
Gold's Gym is a popular national gym chain originating in Los Angeles, California. It was started by bodybuilder Joe Gold in 1965 and has been a home to bodybuilders and fitness enthusiasts ever since.
Gold's Gyms represent the 'golden era' or bodybuilding. It's all over their signage. Images of bodybuilders with big arms, small legs, and slightly-less-than-average bodyfat adorn their walls. Its logo has a cloudy, golden-era looking man with a bent barbell. It also has an all-american style, having been founded by Joe Gold in Los Angeles, CA, back in 1965. Give me a more American man than a guy named Joe Gold. I'll wait.
The Mecca of all gyms is the Gold's Gym in Venice Beach, California. Countless bodybuilding legends have worked out in that gym. Arnie, Cutler, Dex, Joffrey. Too many to count. For some reason, it's become a destination gym for people visiting California from all over the world. It holds a special place in the heart of bodybuilding.
Gold's Gyms typically have no restrictions. Unlike bullshit gym chains like Planet Fitness, Gold's doesn't ban barbell exercises. They have dumbbells going up way past 60ibs. If you want to work out, no matter your program, you will probably get a good pump at a Gold's.
Gold's Gyms are usually fitted with extra amenities. These include saunas, pools, and classes. Of course, this depends on the location. But Gold's is not marketed as a cheap, economy club. If you belong to a Gold's, chances are, you are not dead poor. That's what community centers and Planet Fitness are for. So, they need to provide additional services to make them worth it. It's hard to not like your gym when they have such sweet perks.
Gold's Gyms typically have mid-tier pricing. They are not super pricy. They don't fuck you over like a CrossFit gym. They are fair and reasonable, typically between 30 and 50 per month. They have a great image, good services, and clean facilities; all you got to do is nix a date or two per month and you can afford it.
If I wasn't a peasant, I'd buy a membership. I don't do classes, swim, or tan, but those are nice options in case I decide I want to become a DYEL pool diver with skin cancer.
Gold's Gyms represent the 'golden era' or bodybuilding. It's all over their signage. Images of bodybuilders with big arms, small legs, and slightly-less-than-average bodyfat adorn their walls. Its logo has a cloudy, golden-era looking man with a bent barbell. It also has an all-american style, having been founded by Joe Gold in Los Angeles, CA, back in 1965. Give me a more American man than a guy named Joe Gold. I'll wait.
The Mecca of all gyms is the Gold's Gym in Venice Beach, California. Countless bodybuilding legends have worked out in that gym. Arnie, Cutler, Dex, Joffrey. Too many to count. For some reason, it's become a destination gym for people visiting California from all over the world. It holds a special place in the heart of bodybuilding.
Gold's Gyms typically have no restrictions. Unlike bullshit gym chains like Planet Fitness, Gold's doesn't ban barbell exercises. They have dumbbells going up way past 60ibs. If you want to work out, no matter your program, you will probably get a good pump at a Gold's.
Gold's Gyms are usually fitted with extra amenities. These include saunas, pools, and classes. Of course, this depends on the location. But Gold's is not marketed as a cheap, economy club. If you belong to a Gold's, chances are, you are not dead poor. That's what community centers and Planet Fitness are for. So, they need to provide additional services to make them worth it. It's hard to not like your gym when they have such sweet perks.
Gold's Gyms typically have mid-tier pricing. They are not super pricy. They don't fuck you over like a CrossFit gym. They are fair and reasonable, typically between 30 and 50 per month. They have a great image, good services, and clean facilities; all you got to do is nix a date or two per month and you can afford it.
If I wasn't a peasant, I'd buy a membership. I don't do classes, swim, or tan, but those are nice options in case I decide I want to become a DYEL pool diver with skin cancer.
Monday, December 12, 2016
Why Powerlifting Is More Dangerous Than Bodybuilding
Powerlifting is a strength sport that tests an athlete's proficiency at the squat, bench press, and deadlift. The sport does not take into account looks, which explains fatty lifters and skinny girl superwomen. Bodybuilding is the frequent use of resistance weight training to cause hypertrophy muscle growth in the body. The sport has evolved into thousands of competitions across the world, with the most prized one being the Mr. Olympia contest.
The weights are heavier. This is a given. Bodybuilders don't need to squat insane numbers for growth. Quads are some of the easiest muscles in the body to grow with lightweight time under tension. Powerlifters, however, are not interested in hypertrophy, they are interested in lifting the most amount of weight possible. The increased stress on the joints leaves athletes more prone to injuries.
The workouts include more compound movements. Compound movements can be great if the appropriate weight and form is used. They use multiple muscle groups and promote the most growth. However, this also means that they put more stress on the body. Bodybuilders may have a 'biceps day' where they focus on curl variations, but powerlifters will have a 'deadlift day' where they primarily focus on deadlift variations with curls added to the end. Deadlifts tax the back, biceps, and legs.
Form and one rep maximums do not go hand in hand. Ya wanna go crazy for the gram. I'm not judging. But let's face it. When your 1RM is 275 on conventional deadlift and you decide to say "Fuck it, I'm going for 3 plates," your form will likely be worse. This is not always bad, as you need to push yourself in all sports. But if you look like a frightened cat you are putting your spine at risk. Powerlifters are more likely to push for bad 1RM because they care about weight, while bodybuilders can get pumps off of 20ib dumbbells and resistance bands .
Powerlifting encourages stimulant abuse. Bodybuilding and powerlifting both use performance enhancing drugs. But I'd argue that powerlifters use more stimulants. Sure, average preworkout will have caffeine. But bodybuilders don't need to get FUCKING PSYCHED to do a superset. Powerlifters really do need to get FUCKING PSYCHED to deadlift 1000ibs. So they load up on caffeine to the max and use nose tork when competing. If you use too many stimulants too often, they lose their effectiveness, you use more, repeat cycle. Then you need to get the fuck off them because you can't afford 30 caffeine pills every workout and you suffer from withdrawal. Shit sucks, b.
The required eating leads to digestive issues. This probably applies more to strongmen, but the same thinking applies to powerlifters, as well. Strength and bodyweight are unfortunately correlated. So, if you want to be the absolute strongest in a lift across weight classes, you will have to get fat-strong. To many people, you will look like just another fatty. But gym bros everywhere will respect the superficial sacrifice to get fuckin yuge. Some of these fatties have to eat 10k calories a day. That leads to digestive issues that leave you feeling real sick.
Chances are, if you obsessively pursue any sport, you will deal with injuries. But in powerlifting, if you are a noob, you are even more likely to hurt yourself.
The weights are heavier. This is a given. Bodybuilders don't need to squat insane numbers for growth. Quads are some of the easiest muscles in the body to grow with lightweight time under tension. Powerlifters, however, are not interested in hypertrophy, they are interested in lifting the most amount of weight possible. The increased stress on the joints leaves athletes more prone to injuries.
The workouts include more compound movements. Compound movements can be great if the appropriate weight and form is used. They use multiple muscle groups and promote the most growth. However, this also means that they put more stress on the body. Bodybuilders may have a 'biceps day' where they focus on curl variations, but powerlifters will have a 'deadlift day' where they primarily focus on deadlift variations with curls added to the end. Deadlifts tax the back, biceps, and legs.
Form and one rep maximums do not go hand in hand. Ya wanna go crazy for the gram. I'm not judging. But let's face it. When your 1RM is 275 on conventional deadlift and you decide to say "Fuck it, I'm going for 3 plates," your form will likely be worse. This is not always bad, as you need to push yourself in all sports. But if you look like a frightened cat you are putting your spine at risk. Powerlifters are more likely to push for bad 1RM because they care about weight, while bodybuilders can get pumps off of 20ib dumbbells and resistance bands .
Powerlifting encourages stimulant abuse. Bodybuilding and powerlifting both use performance enhancing drugs. But I'd argue that powerlifters use more stimulants. Sure, average preworkout will have caffeine. But bodybuilders don't need to get FUCKING PSYCHED to do a superset. Powerlifters really do need to get FUCKING PSYCHED to deadlift 1000ibs. So they load up on caffeine to the max and use nose tork when competing. If you use too many stimulants too often, they lose their effectiveness, you use more, repeat cycle. Then you need to get the fuck off them because you can't afford 30 caffeine pills every workout and you suffer from withdrawal. Shit sucks, b.
The required eating leads to digestive issues. This probably applies more to strongmen, but the same thinking applies to powerlifters, as well. Strength and bodyweight are unfortunately correlated. So, if you want to be the absolute strongest in a lift across weight classes, you will have to get fat-strong. To many people, you will look like just another fatty. But gym bros everywhere will respect the superficial sacrifice to get fuckin yuge. Some of these fatties have to eat 10k calories a day. That leads to digestive issues that leave you feeling real sick.
Chances are, if you obsessively pursue any sport, you will deal with injuries. But in powerlifting, if you are a noob, you are even more likely to hurt yourself.
Monday, December 5, 2016
How Strongman Training Differ From Powerlifting
Powerlifting is a strength sport that tests an athlete's proficiency at the squat, bench press, and deadlift. The sport does not take into account looks, which explains fatty lifters and skinny girl superwomen. Strongmen are strength competitors who test their skills across a variety of activities like the log lift, farmer walk, and tire deadlifts. They are typically big tall monster men.
Strongmen don't spend all day jerking off barbells. In powerlifting, competitors focus on the squat, bench, and deadlift. All barbell work. Strongmen do log lifts, keg flips, and crazy farmer walks. FUNCTIONAL STRENGTH, AM I RIGHT?
Strongmen typically don't have weight classes, instead focusing on absolute strength. You have tall dudes like The Mountain facing short guys like Eddie Hall in the same activities. You'd think height would be an absolute advantage, but it's not. In powerlifting, competitors are split into classes because strength typically correlates with bodyweight.
Competitive strongmen ARE fat. You don't need to be fat to be a powerlifter. You can just compete in a low weight class and look DYEL but be really strong. Plenty of people do that. However, to be a strongman, you literally have to eat 10k calories a day and you get super fat. Don't get me wrong, if you cut, you'd be jacked, but right now, you're just a fat man with inhuman strength. Sacrifice for the gainz.
Strongmen are much less safe than powerlifters. Hate me, but it's true. Strongmen are lifting way more weight in much weirder ways for much longer time. Lifting 300ibs logs isn't normal. Farmer walking mini-cars isn't great for your body, either. How can somebody safely spot you if you're lifting 500ibs over your head?
Strongmen can only train in specialized gyms. Every gym worth its sweat has a barbell. The only ones that don't are Planet Fitness outlets and hotel gyms. But I've never been inside a gym with a loglift. Those kinds of gyms are relatively rare and expensive. Just one reason why we'll never have a champion strongman from Montana.
Strongmen are basically powerlifters on (more) steroids.
Strongmen don't spend all day jerking off barbells. In powerlifting, competitors focus on the squat, bench, and deadlift. All barbell work. Strongmen do log lifts, keg flips, and crazy farmer walks. FUNCTIONAL STRENGTH, AM I RIGHT?
Strongmen typically don't have weight classes, instead focusing on absolute strength. You have tall dudes like The Mountain facing short guys like Eddie Hall in the same activities. You'd think height would be an absolute advantage, but it's not. In powerlifting, competitors are split into classes because strength typically correlates with bodyweight.
Competitive strongmen ARE fat. You don't need to be fat to be a powerlifter. You can just compete in a low weight class and look DYEL but be really strong. Plenty of people do that. However, to be a strongman, you literally have to eat 10k calories a day and you get super fat. Don't get me wrong, if you cut, you'd be jacked, but right now, you're just a fat man with inhuman strength. Sacrifice for the gainz.
Strongmen are much less safe than powerlifters. Hate me, but it's true. Strongmen are lifting way more weight in much weirder ways for much longer time. Lifting 300ibs logs isn't normal. Farmer walking mini-cars isn't great for your body, either. How can somebody safely spot you if you're lifting 500ibs over your head?
Strongmen can only train in specialized gyms. Every gym worth its sweat has a barbell. The only ones that don't are Planet Fitness outlets and hotel gyms. But I've never been inside a gym with a loglift. Those kinds of gyms are relatively rare and expensive. Just one reason why we'll never have a champion strongman from Montana.
Strongmen are basically powerlifters on (more) steroids.
Friday, December 2, 2016
Why Bodybuilding Is Good For You
Bodybuilding is the frequent use of resistance weight training to cause hypertrophy muscle growth in the body. The sport has evolved into thousands of competitions across the world, with the most prized one being the Mr. Olympia contest.
Your clothes will fit better. Well, working out the right way will make your clothes fit better. You will build muscle on your arms, shoulders, chest, and legs. You will buy stretchy pants that are 8% spandex and they will feel great. You will have to buy shirts a size higher than you used to, but they will look better. You should not wear suits. Your clothes will no longer be hiding your body, they will be framing your gainz.
You will be more confident. Honestly, even with little visual changes, you will still feel better. You won't feel like a fat fuck for watching Netflix on the couch if you've been working your ass off in the gym all week. You'll feel superior to the people you see on a daily basis who are out of shape. This will help you in public places, at work, and with the ladies/dudes. You know it's for the dudes. Girls don't care about you rear delts.
You can eat what you want. Within reason, duh. But if you're not competing, and you're in the gym most days of the week with sweet cardio, you can pretty much what whatever you want and not get fat. It's still calories in vs. calories out, but those calories in will build muscle instead of going straight to fat. If you're not super short, not super old/weak, and have never been obese, you won't have to go hungry to make gainz.
At 5'8'', I eat 3000 - 3500 calories a day and maintain/slow bulk at a current 171ibs/12% bodyfat. It doesn't make too much sense (that's a lot of food for a shorty like me) but I roll with it.
Your clothes will fit better. Well, working out the right way will make your clothes fit better. You will build muscle on your arms, shoulders, chest, and legs. You will buy stretchy pants that are 8% spandex and they will feel great. You will have to buy shirts a size higher than you used to, but they will look better. You should not wear suits. Your clothes will no longer be hiding your body, they will be framing your gainz.
You will be more confident. Honestly, even with little visual changes, you will still feel better. You won't feel like a fat fuck for watching Netflix on the couch if you've been working your ass off in the gym all week. You'll feel superior to the people you see on a daily basis who are out of shape. This will help you in public places, at work, and with the ladies/dudes. You know it's for the dudes. Girls don't care about you rear delts.
You can eat what you want. Within reason, duh. But if you're not competing, and you're in the gym most days of the week with sweet cardio, you can pretty much what whatever you want and not get fat. It's still calories in vs. calories out, but those calories in will build muscle instead of going straight to fat. If you're not super short, not super old/weak, and have never been obese, you won't have to go hungry to make gainz.
At 5'8'', I eat 3000 - 3500 calories a day and maintain/slow bulk at a current 171ibs/12% bodyfat. It doesn't make too much sense (that's a lot of food for a shorty like me) but I roll with it.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
How Bodybuilding Has Thrived Off Drama
Bodybuilding is the frequent use of resistance weight training to cause hypertrophy muscle growth in the body. The sport has evolved into thousands of competitions across the world, with the most prized one being the Mr. Olympia contest.
Any publicity is good publicity. For such a small sport, any headline is a good headline. Headlines bring clicks, and clicks bring awareness. Let the people find out about bodybuilding through some bullshit drama, and then explore the sport through online forums and fall in love with it on their own. All you gotta do is light the spark and hope that it catches. Doesn't matter if that spark comes from a lightning bolt or from a spinning stick.
Competitors' drama drives the news cycles before competitions. Normies won't care about a muscle competition, but they might care if two muscle dudes allegedly hate each other AND are both huge AND are of different races!!! Which race will gain the glory of having the biggest muscle man??? Articles basically imply this shit. And as said before, this drives clicks and plants the seeds of prospective fans.
The sport is based on superficial looks, whatdaya expect. I'd say 99% of high school drama is based on someone making fun of someone else's looks. OH MY GOD BECKY LOOK AT HER BUTT. Bodybuilding is not much different than high school. You got the nerds, the jocks, and the bullies. Only difference between the two is that bodybuilders are yoked. When you diss someone else's rear delts, all hell can break loose.
The biggest bodybuilding 'journalists' are TMZ knockoffs. I love TMZ, so that isn't a diss. If you pay attention to bodybuilding long enough, you've come across The L.U.I. His most popular platform, Instagram, is filled with posts coming out every fucking minute that largely focus on drama. He wouldn't make this shit if we didn't eat it up. We are literally eating shit.
There's not much else to talk about. There aren't 'games' every other week with insider analysis and speculation. There aren't whole teams that can be dissected and discussed in length. There aren't drafts at the beginning of every season that leads the news cycles for months prior. Bodybuilding is a 1 man beauty pageant, and the sad fact is that without drama, there would be very little news.
Don't deride the drama, delve into it. Become the drama.
Any publicity is good publicity. For such a small sport, any headline is a good headline. Headlines bring clicks, and clicks bring awareness. Let the people find out about bodybuilding through some bullshit drama, and then explore the sport through online forums and fall in love with it on their own. All you gotta do is light the spark and hope that it catches. Doesn't matter if that spark comes from a lightning bolt or from a spinning stick.
Competitors' drama drives the news cycles before competitions. Normies won't care about a muscle competition, but they might care if two muscle dudes allegedly hate each other AND are both huge AND are of different races!!! Which race will gain the glory of having the biggest muscle man??? Articles basically imply this shit. And as said before, this drives clicks and plants the seeds of prospective fans.
The sport is based on superficial looks, whatdaya expect. I'd say 99% of high school drama is based on someone making fun of someone else's looks. OH MY GOD BECKY LOOK AT HER BUTT. Bodybuilding is not much different than high school. You got the nerds, the jocks, and the bullies. Only difference between the two is that bodybuilders are yoked. When you diss someone else's rear delts, all hell can break loose.
The biggest bodybuilding 'journalists' are TMZ knockoffs. I love TMZ, so that isn't a diss. If you pay attention to bodybuilding long enough, you've come across The L.U.I. His most popular platform, Instagram, is filled with posts coming out every fucking minute that largely focus on drama. He wouldn't make this shit if we didn't eat it up. We are literally eating shit.
There's not much else to talk about. There aren't 'games' every other week with insider analysis and speculation. There aren't whole teams that can be dissected and discussed in length. There aren't drafts at the beginning of every season that leads the news cycles for months prior. Bodybuilding is a 1 man beauty pageant, and the sad fact is that without drama, there would be very little news.
Don't deride the drama, delve into it. Become the drama.
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Why Rich Piana and Bostin Loyd Fight Each Other
Rich Piana is the head of 5% Nutrition, a popular fitness YouTuber, and a former competitive bodybuilder. He first became known in the online fitness community for his viral 8 Hour Arm Workout video. Few people know that before injecting hamsters into his triceps, Rich was once upon a time Mr. California and had a pretty great physique. However, after falling victim to a cringeworthy tattoo artist and succumbing to crippling body dysmorphia, Rich took his body to the next level and truly left humanity behind.
Bostin Lloyd is the CEO of Team 3CC and a former competitive bodybuilder that rose to internet fame by disclosing his entire PED regimen to anybody that would listen. His initial one year steroid transformation went viral online and triggered nattys and YouTube fitness celebrities all around the world. He’s admitted to having done every kind of steroid that he could got his hands on, with undesirable side effects (including lactating… ew).
Bostin used to be Rich's protege and then went rogue. Basically the foundation for any Shakespearean story. Bostin used to be just a young lad sticking needles up his ass and did some vids with wise old Rich before he blew up with Bigger By The Day. Then all of a sudden Bostin started calling out Rich for some bullshit (like his Mexican surgeries, lying to his fans, etc.) The grasshopper has betrayed his master.
Rich cares about fitness 'celebs' who bitch about him. If he didn't give a fuck, there would be no beef. When some random ass dude tried to challenge him to a fight, Rich made videos about him AND THEN people took notice. No one would have cared if Rich didn't respond. Same with Bostin. Rich says he doesn't care, then he makes a 50 minute video explaining how he doesn't care. He cares.
They compete over the same fans. They're both disgustingly huge and take a ton of drugs: Bostin shows himself injecting shit and Rich has publicly posted his drug schedule. They both have a ton of muscle but are not particularly aesthetic: Bostin has a gut and Rich has ape tits. They both own supplement companies: Bostin has 3CC and Rich Piana has 5%. There are only a certain number of people who admire these types of dudes, so they gotta grab them up when they can.
Any publicity is good publicity, even if it's from beef. Bostin's fans will side with Bostin, and Rich's fans will side with Rich. People like me who don't care about either of them will still pick a side and become more invested in who comes out on top. This kind of attention will translate to sales of both their products. Not from me, but likely from someone.
It's entertaining and harmless. Still, you never know where Rich will take these things.
Bostin Lloyd is the CEO of Team 3CC and a former competitive bodybuilder that rose to internet fame by disclosing his entire PED regimen to anybody that would listen. His initial one year steroid transformation went viral online and triggered nattys and YouTube fitness celebrities all around the world. He’s admitted to having done every kind of steroid that he could got his hands on, with undesirable side effects (including lactating… ew).
Bostin used to be Rich's protege and then went rogue. Basically the foundation for any Shakespearean story. Bostin used to be just a young lad sticking needles up his ass and did some vids with wise old Rich before he blew up with Bigger By The Day. Then all of a sudden Bostin started calling out Rich for some bullshit (like his Mexican surgeries, lying to his fans, etc.) The grasshopper has betrayed his master.
Rich cares about fitness 'celebs' who bitch about him. If he didn't give a fuck, there would be no beef. When some random ass dude tried to challenge him to a fight, Rich made videos about him AND THEN people took notice. No one would have cared if Rich didn't respond. Same with Bostin. Rich says he doesn't care, then he makes a 50 minute video explaining how he doesn't care. He cares.
They compete over the same fans. They're both disgustingly huge and take a ton of drugs: Bostin shows himself injecting shit and Rich has publicly posted his drug schedule. They both have a ton of muscle but are not particularly aesthetic: Bostin has a gut and Rich has ape tits. They both own supplement companies: Bostin has 3CC and Rich Piana has 5%. There are only a certain number of people who admire these types of dudes, so they gotta grab them up when they can.
They both got egos to feed. They both have an air of narcissism about them. They're both rich, but with delusions of grandeur. They think their bodies are attractive, despite their obvious flaws. As a result, they attack anybody who disrespects them as if they're the goddamn president.
It's entertaining and harmless. Still, you never know where Rich will take these things.
Wednesday, November 16, 2016
Why People Prefer Old School Bodybuilders
Old school bodybuilders are the competitors of the 60's, 70's, and 80's that looked softer than the monster freaks of today. Often referred to as the "Golden Age" of bodybuilding, these decades boasted heroes like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Frank Zane, and Serge Nubret.
Old school bodybuilders don't look like human dicks. They came in much softer (relative) to the new guys today. Instead of getting down to ~4-5% bodyfat, they were chilling around ~8% bodyfat. You couldn't see all the veins on their body, but they still looked great. They didn't have that dick-skin conditioning that you need today.
Old school bodybuilders didn't take as many drugs. Who REALLY knows, cause pros don't give out their entire drug regimen (only sometimes do we get that lucky). But the main reason the older guys didn't have dick-skin conditioning and didn't get as big as the top guys today are because they didn't take as many drugs. Sure, some people say their drugs were purer, but they didn't take the high doses that have become commonplace. Drugs are demonized in society, so those guys are seen as "better".
Old school bodybuilders prioritized mirror muscles over legs. This is the defining difference between old school and new school. Arnie, Serge, and Lou all had disgustingly huge chests and biceps. Arnie is known for the best chest of all time, even in today's age of all da drugs. These old school guys didn't work legs as much, cause why work legs if you wear pants most of your life?? Mirror muscles are called that for a reason: they are the only muscles that normies care about.
Old school bodybuilders didn't have unaesthetic bubble guys. No one knows exactly how these monster freaks get that strange looking bubble gut. Some say its the GH growing their internal organs. Some say its GH + slin. Some say it's because they eat a lot and their stomach stretches. No one knows, but the old school guys didn't have that. Even when relaxed, their stomachs looked normal. Nowadays, bodybuilders have to suck in their gut the entire time they're on stage or else someone will snap a pic of them at their worst. The bubble gut phenomenon is an ugly part of a sport that prioritizes looking good.
Old school bodybuilders didn't fuck grapefruits. Cheap shot? Maybe. But old schoolers didn't have to deal with that kind of weird drama. The most drama they had was Arnie mind-fucking his competitors.
They looked more 'attainable' and were what women wanted in those cheesy romantic books. It will be several more decades before humanity evolves and makes Big Lenny a sex symbol.
Old school bodybuilders don't look like human dicks. They came in much softer (relative) to the new guys today. Instead of getting down to ~4-5% bodyfat, they were chilling around ~8% bodyfat. You couldn't see all the veins on their body, but they still looked great. They didn't have that dick-skin conditioning that you need today.
Old school bodybuilders didn't take as many drugs. Who REALLY knows, cause pros don't give out their entire drug regimen (only sometimes do we get that lucky). But the main reason the older guys didn't have dick-skin conditioning and didn't get as big as the top guys today are because they didn't take as many drugs. Sure, some people say their drugs were purer, but they didn't take the high doses that have become commonplace. Drugs are demonized in society, so those guys are seen as "better".
Old school bodybuilders prioritized mirror muscles over legs. This is the defining difference between old school and new school. Arnie, Serge, and Lou all had disgustingly huge chests and biceps. Arnie is known for the best chest of all time, even in today's age of all da drugs. These old school guys didn't work legs as much, cause why work legs if you wear pants most of your life?? Mirror muscles are called that for a reason: they are the only muscles that normies care about.
Old school bodybuilders didn't have unaesthetic bubble guys. No one knows exactly how these monster freaks get that strange looking bubble gut. Some say its the GH growing their internal organs. Some say its GH + slin. Some say it's because they eat a lot and their stomach stretches. No one knows, but the old school guys didn't have that. Even when relaxed, their stomachs looked normal. Nowadays, bodybuilders have to suck in their gut the entire time they're on stage or else someone will snap a pic of them at their worst. The bubble gut phenomenon is an ugly part of a sport that prioritizes looking good.
Old school bodybuilders didn't fuck grapefruits. Cheap shot? Maybe. But old schoolers didn't have to deal with that kind of weird drama. The most drama they had was Arnie mind-fucking his competitors.
They looked more 'attainable' and were what women wanted in those cheesy romantic books. It will be several more decades before humanity evolves and makes Big Lenny a sex symbol.
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